Monday, 12 March 2012

It's Official

Infidelity ended my six year marriage. I married young and came with unacknowledged baggage. Along with the infidelity came excommunication from my church.

Fast forward a few months and that brings us to today.

So much has happened this part week that it's hard to know where to start.

Before I went to Christchurch I was unsure how I felt about him and our relationship. I knew I had feelings but I also had so many unanswered questions that were in someway keeping be back from being able to pursue anything further with him.

On the flight down I made a mental list of the questions I felt I needed to ask and I hoped that his answers would help me to have a better understanding of our relationship and in what direction it would head in. When we would have the chance to talk I wasn't sure, but I knew by the end of this trip I would leave as his friend or his lover.

I arrived late Friday afternoon and made my way to his home. It was a long ride but it gave me time to think about us and where I wanted our relationship to head.

I let myself in and waited for him to come home from work, little did I know he had just beat me home and managed to sneak up on me and gave me a fright.

We enjoyed our time together and took a walk to get some Thai food for dinner, which was totally yummo.

We spent the evening in talking, laughing, eating and watching random things on YouTube.

Without going into too much detail as I've mentioned previously our relationship is a bit of a complicated one and what makes it complicated is that he's in an open relationship. He and his wife have decided that they want to be in an open relationship where by allowing them too see other people. Not so much in a casual sense but more so in a wanting to be able to explore the possibilities of being able to have romantic feelings for someone else. The term being Polyamory where a person can have romantic/loving feelings for more than one person at a time.

So on the flight down when I made a note of the questions, there were times when I wondered to myself if I was asking these question because I didn't trust him. I wondered if he would feel like I was trying to control his life and our relationship. Was it all going to be worth it for him to pursue something with me knowing I wanted answers to maybe sometimes difficult questions.

Saturday we spent most of the day having a D&M. I remembered my list of questions that I wanted to ask and away we went.

I asked about us and how he felt about our relationship. How he spends his time when not talking or seeing me. Who he talks too online. Who he emails and how his existing relationship was going.

As we sat and D&M'd I felt that sense of relief as he answered honestly about his relationship, about us and where he had hoped it would go. I explained to him the things that I felt like I wanted from our relationship and what it would entail.

We talked a lot more in depth about the specifics of things and how it would all work out. As it has been over these past 9 months we've been flying back and forth to see each other and staying in hotels. Which don't get me wrong is nice but we need something more if this is going to work.

We have an idea in mind of how things will go but we're not 100% sure how it's all going to work out but we do know that we love each other and are wanting to be in a complicated sort of not so normal relationship.

It's been an interesting week trying to push past a few hurdles and growing stronger together as a 'couple' while we work through them. I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds for us and as hard as it will be for some people to wrap their minds around, for now this is what we want.

March 2012: The start of my complicated sort of not so normal relationship.

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