Saturday, 22 September 2012

Chasing Pavements

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there

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Today I embark on a new journey which in a way is a sad but also happy journey.

A new place to live, new flat mates, new surroundings, a new start on life and hopefully a better year for me.

What was meant to be a great exciting happy day started as a crappy heartbreaking one.

As most people know I'm in what some may call an open relationship and as this past year and a bit has gone on we've for sure had our ups and downs mostly ups than downs but its at times a complicated relationship :-/

Today on top of moving out...we've decided to take a break. With everything going on in our lives I guess we need to figure out if we have the time in our lives to be able to be the kind of boyfriend or girlfriend that each other deserves.

I spent the first few hours of my morning upset and unsure of what or how I felt. I guess I feel a mix of emotions. A part of me thinks the break will be good. Another part of me can't stand the thought of taking the break and it just makes me sad.

A friend told me today that right now it will seem like Martin is my everything and there are times when it does feel like that which is why I have an outside person (non sexual of course) who when I need to talk I can go to her. The down side of Martin being my everything is that he was already someone else's everything as well.

At the end of this week whatever happens I will look back and remember the good times. Maybe moving house and becoming independent means that it also means Martin and I move to just being friends. It's not what I want but if our relationship is stressing him out I'd rather we end it.

It's going to be a hard week and already it's been a hard day but I've moved in and now it's time to unpack everything and maybe get an early night.

Time will tell.....


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