Sunday, 5 January 2014

One Of My Many

One of my many weaknesses and I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing is that when it comes to people and relationships I always fall too fast,  crash too hard, forgive to easily and care too much.  (And yes I totally stole that quote)
I try my best not to get involved so quickly and you'd think I would learn from previous mistakes but perhaps I'm too nice? Perhaps I want a relationship/friendship with someone that I trust them too easily? Perhaps I'm too naive?  Perhaps it's wrong of me to put myself out there so much? Whatever the reason all I know is I don't think it will be something about myself I can/will/want to change.  Sure I will hold back some but at the sametime I'm not afraid to put myself on the line even if it means a broken heart. I learnt in my marriage to J that you need to take risks.  Take a chance. I don't ever want to have what ifs. I ruined a marriage because of those and I don't want that to happen ever again. 
Now onto the whole point of this post.
A little while ago I got involved with someome where we both thought it was going to be more than it was. We spent every waking moment of the day for two and a half weeks messaging, talking,  sending photos of our days and pretty much sharing anything and everything.
As I always do I held back some. I didn't want to share so much because for me its how one gets all emotionally involved. Time went by and he made me feel comfortable sharing how I felt. He shared a lot about himself than I did with him but it really was becoming a great friendship and eventually what we thought something more.
Something changed for him though where he didn't feel the same way anymore.  It was then that we(he) decided that we would move on from it all and be friends. 
It was rough. It still is rough sometimes and its why I'm blogging it out. I don't dislike him but right now I need the break from him. As I told him I need to be able to get to that point where when I can think of him and not feel sad. I guess in a way I am lucky that I have friends and work to keep me distracted.  I'd say I have the kids too but who am I kidding I'm on a break from them. Woo.

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