Sunday, 21 May 2017

I Keep On Falling!

Falling for anyone there's a chance you could end up hurt, the other side of that coin however is you could also be or end up amazingly happy.

I've had my fair share of being hurt and I know for a fact I've hurt people. I'm very much a wear my heart on my sleeve type of person. I see the good in people. I feel their pain. I connect with them on a level where we can relate. The bad to this is I always fall for the broken wrong ones. The ones who need the validation, who want to feel or need to be loved, who want the attention. The ones who you feel you can relate to because you've been in the exact same situation they're going through now. You see them as someone you can "help". That they are that 1% statistic who feel you can "save". That person who could possibly be your crazy fairytale ending.

When you open up and connect with someone on an emotional level feelings run deep. It's not just about looking forward to chatting. It's about making future plans. Plans to meet. To spend time together. To plan what you thought was some sort of life together.  Those days, weeks and months of continuous chatting, flirting, late night and early morning phone calls, photos, sharing in the ups and downs of each other's day it was real.  At least I thought it was real.

I'm not sure what happened and to be honest I don't think I ever will know.  We went from one extreme of talking everyday to pretty much cold turkey not talking at all, at least he did. I took a chance on someone I thought was going to be more. On someone who for once genuinely meant the things he said. I thought when I said I had the feels and for them to be reciprocated that perhaps I'd found that person who had the things we both wanted in a relationship. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually.

It hurts my heart reading back on things we said, the feelings we shared, watching videos we sent, hearing his voice. I miss what I thought we were building. I don't regret the chances I took with him. In fact it's been over a month and I still miss him and still reach out in the hopes that he'll do the same. He hasn't. I don't expect him too I guess what I struggle with the most is the not knowing. The no closure. Will I ever get it? Probably not but I'm okay with that.

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