Friday, 28 September 2018

Facebook Memories

Facebook memories can either be a good or a bad thing. 

This morning I woke up to be reminded that this time 7 years ago my marriage was in the early stages of ending. At the time I thought my life was over. J was the biggest part of my life and for the last 8 years it was J and I against the world (and at times, each other).  How was I meant to move past someone who was such an important person in my life. We were meant to be together forever.  J was honestly all I knew. I had friends but when you're a 17 year old in a serious relationship with someone who is 6 years older than you, you kinda just grow up quickly. For the next year and a half we continued to date, court and by the time I was 19 we were engaged and married within 3 months.

As it always is in the beginning our marriage was great.  We loved each other and we were planning our life together in Auckland.  We made friends and I couldn't imagine ever living a life without J in it.  Unfortunately I made choices and decisions that would later end my marriage. Looking back my biggest regret was hurting someone I loved.  I grew up religious and I thought that even though I continued to hurt J that we just had to stay and work it out because it was the "right thing" to do.  I didn't know there was another way. I'm not blaming religion for the choices I made because I chose to hurt someone I loved I guess I'm more trying to say I wished I knew there were other ways to get out of an unhappy marriage without hurting people.

It's been 7 year now and even though I wished my marriage ended on more amicable terms I know that had it not ended the way it did I wouldn't be where I am now. I'm no longer just "J's wife". I'm just Teesh.  I'm the girl who is still tying to find her place in the world. The girl who gives pretty much everything a go.  Life is too short and the only thing we can do is take it by the horns and just run with it.

I've spent the last 7 years trying to figure out who I am and what I'm doing with my life. It isn't always butterflies and rainbows but right now my life really is amazing.  I have friends. My family are an important part of my life. My trachy journey s nearly over and done with and I'm in school studying to be a nurse.  I would never have imagined that 7 years ago this would be where I am and even though things happened that shouldn't have to get me here I am grateful that I am here where I am in my life right now. 

I have no clue what kind of crazy the world will throw at me but I honestly believe that if I can get through a divorce and having to live life with a trachy I can get through anything. It's nearly a new year and I'm super excited to see what is behind the door of 2019.

Life can only ever get better right?

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