Thursday, 15 November 2018

Feelings For You

Some say I'm too sensitive but the truth is I just feel too much. Every word, every action and every energy goes straight to my heart. I’ve always been the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve.  The girl who cares too much, falls too fast, loves too hard and still gets back up and loves just as hard the next time. I’m the girl who everyone can tell when she’s happy or sad, whether that’s a good or bad thing I really don’t know.

There have been times when I’ve wished I wasn’t that girl. Sometimes I think, why can’t I be the girl who puts on a brave face and acts as if everything is okay?  Or the girl who loves with only a little of her heart rather than the whole thing?  Maybe I want to be the girl who only gives a little of herself to people? It’s so hard caring and loving as much as I do but I know I wouldn’t be myself if I wasn’t the girl who loved and cared with all she had.

I can’t change who I am and even though I struggle with the insecurities of letting people in; if I do let you in, it must mean you’re an important person to me. It also means that I will care for you to the ends of the earth and back again. I know that can be a bit overwhelming for some and to be honest I’m probably hard work, but I’ve never once had someone tell me that I’ve been a bad friend/family member.

Just the other day an elderly lady came up to me in the supermarket car park and asked about my car. She mentioned that she had been looking at getting the same kind of car and wanted to know all about it.  What turned into a quick 5-minute pop in and pop out trip to the supermarket ended up being a half hour conversation. She asked about my voice, my life and we talked about her life. Then out of nowhere she asked if she could pray for me so there in the car park she prayed. She was so kind and sweet and proceeded to tell me that she can see why I would want to do nursing. She told me that I was kind-hearted. That when I love I love with all of me. I was in awe that from our 30-minute conversation she picked up on the kind of person I am. It was a nice reminder that even though there are days when I wished I wasn’t “me” that strangers can see who I am just from a small conversation.  There really are some amazing people out there and it was such a humbling experience for me to have this stranger say such nice things about me.

I know that there are downfalls to caring so much because being who I am, my emotions “control” how I feel which at times can affect how my day goes to how I communicate with people. It’s something that I know I need to work on but then I also know that it’s not really something I can “work on”.  I either be the girl who cares and loves with all that she has, or I be the girl who doesn’t love and care at all and we all know that isn’t going to happen.

Life is too short. We need to make the most of the people and relationships we have in our lives. Now go out there and tell those people you love them.