Sunday, 23 December 2018

Sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

I had every intention of waiting.  I thought that he would see that the decisions and choices he was making weren't the "best" for him. I thought that he'd see through the deception and the manipulation instead, he saw it from a 'It is what it is" perspective.

I never expected that my 2018 would end like this at all. I thought that we had more time and I honestly thought stupidly that I was enough. I wasn't.  The only upside is that I can end my 2018 on a shit note and then go into 2019 not having to worry about what will happen. Or if I'm waiting for someone who didn't want me.

I don't regret the choices I made or falling in love.  I am sad and hurt that I got stuck in the middle of something where they felt they wanted and needed to play games and have power because I deserved better than that. I didn't ask for any of this but it happened and I can only move past it. Even though it hurts and I'm sad like the subject says, sometimes I have to forget what I feel and remember what I deserve.

I'm definitely the girl who needs companionship. That shit makes me happy. Unfortunately for me I'm way too nice and fall for the ones I shouldn't because I think I can save them. Because I think that we all deserve this "fairy tale" romantic relationship. The reality of that is, I know it's not true and it's totally not possible but hey a girl can totally still dream.

I feel okay about what happened and I'm glad that I know now that I can just move on and not have to start off my new year with a "what if". It's time to let go and figure out what 2019 has in store for me.  As I have always said, things can only get better from here.

Now hurry up and get here 2019!

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